Saturday, March 10, 2012

Projection Booth: Nightmare On Elm St. 2 real-time blogging

Real time commentary as I'm watching Nightmare On Elm St. 2 Freddy's Revenge ( the most unintentional gay horror movie of the 80's)

1. The sister is eating a cereal called Fu Man Chews where she gets claw fingernails.
2. The horrible grandma couch in the living room.
3. The generic Tiffany-esque female lead.
4. They offer archery in gym class for the girls while (macho) baseball for the guys in short shorts.
5. bare ass wrestling between to guys within the first 10 minutes
6.there is apparently "an S&M joint" somewhere in downtown Springwood
7. Jesse has a nurse's shirt for a night shirt and he wears high tops to come down for a midnight snack
8. Jesse screams like a woman.
9. Jesse has a pretty sweet swatch
10. Nobody in class including the teacher noticed when a clasmate snuck over and grabs the snake from his cage to put on Jesse with he is sleeping in class.
11. Jesse sure likes some pussy R&B music and this dance/unpacking sequence is very gay with his gripping the screwdriver at his crotch and the ass bumping his drawer closed.
12. Jesse has a game called "probe" in his closet
13. He has a sign on his door that says "No Outta Town Chicks"
14. The guy playing Jesse is very very effeminate.
15. The constant shots of him dripping with sweat in bed.
16. The top of the basement stairs has a page ripped out of a magazine that looks like it might be Debbie Gibson.
17. The parents haven't bothered to see why the house is so hot until they let it get to 97 degrees. Wouldn't you think at maybe 80 to turn down the thermostat?
18. Heat makes parakeets go homicidal as well as spontaneously combust
19. the dad thinks that cheap bird feed will make them explode.
20. Zach called. Probably code for meet Slater and Screech at the S&M Bar and bring an umbrella
21. It's always a good idea to wander out in a downpour where you'll find your coach at a sleazy punk/leather bar.
22. When in doubt ask for "beer" and you'll get a highball glass as well.
23. Your coach will make you run laps when he sees you in public before making you shower while he gets out his whips and leather vest
24.The coach doesn't think its terribly odd that balls are flying at him
25.another bare ass man this time getting whipped, yup definitely not homoerotic
26. The dad thinks his son is on drugs when he is found by the cops in the rain wandering around naked.
27. The kid needs a "meth-a-don" clinic
28. more sweaty naked Jesse
29. C'mon Cheryl how did you think we got such a good deal on this house? Boom... the toaster starts on fire while unplugged
30. Letting you girl-friend take you to an abandoned powerplant that the guy you are dreaming about use to kill kids at is a great idea.
31.that blue oversized sweater is so stylish with its single button unbuttoned.
32. Maybe if Lisa wasn't wearing an ugly smock for shirt Jesse might be able to fight his homo urges and try to "make himself" straight.
33. Its not creepy at all that you are standing over your pre-teen sister all sweaty
34. big bags under your eyes is considered "looking better" to mom
35. The guy who bullies Jesse also seems to be his friend.
36. Bully/friend Grady looks rad in white khakis
37. Girl-friend's dad doesn't like splashing while he is grilling up wieners for the teenagers
38.Girl can't take a hint that Jesse likes boys
39. Slow reach in only to kiss his cheek. Awkward makeout sesh while the parents get drunk on their tacky bedroom set.
40. lights out means party, even if the parents aren't even asleep.
41. Jesse is a motorboatin' sonofabitch
42. Jesse's tongue looks like a black man's cock.
43. He runs away and into his bully/friend's bedroom while he was sleeping.
44. "There is something inside of me" "I'm scared, something is trying to get into my body"- classic dialogue
45. cue more homoerotic dialogue
46. There is never anything good on when I have to watch my crazy friend sleep
47.great special effects work. Like American Werewolf in London type transformation
48. Best chest bursting scene since Alien
49. The classic movie command "This is your father, open the door" never works
50. The cops show up really quickly.
51. Coca Cola fueled makeout poolside
52. Lisa isn't creeped out that the guy she likes comes barging in all bloody confessing murder. "But I can change him, he's different when it's just the two of us"
53. Ok who put the firecrackers in the hotdogs?
54. Teenage heat is makin me crazy
55. Yes, throw a lace cloth at Freddy. That'll stop him.
56. Freddy's in the mood for rape
57. Yum,  nothing says a party like strawberry shortcake
58. That is the worst stabbing attempt in history
59. Freddy.... or I guess nothing? just smashed through the french doors
60. damn, Freddy is trashing our pool furniture.
61. Awesome, this dude thinks he can play hostage negotiator with Freddy Krueger " Help yourself Fucker!"
62. Shotgunnin the Bogeyman, if only dad could aim.
63. Fire walk with me
64.Smart Lisa,you were nearly killed so drive tot he place wher Freddy raped and murdered the little kids.
65. "How are we gonna make it scary at the powerplant?" "I know, dogs with weird fat kid masks on"
66. Hey steaming pipes, lets touch it
67. creepy rat, no problem, creepy cat, wait creepy cat? Run away.
68. Jesse doesn't like the pussy, that's ok more for Freddy.
69. Gay boy kryponite is apparently when his fag-hag says "I Love You"
70. Love conquers all, even the bogeyman.
71. If Freddy was burned once wouldn't he almost be immune to being burned again?
72. Eww its smells like burnt dog hair, wait, its just Jesse.
73. Looks like Jesse went "across the street" not "down the road"
74. Yes Jesse, Lisa would not like you to talk about your homo past. Pretend to like the vag, atleast until the end of high school.
75. I didn't know Springwood IL was near a desert, hmmm guess I've never been in south Illinois

And that concludes my real time viewing of Nightmare on Elm St. 2 Freddy's Dead. 

No comments:

Post a Comment