Monday, April 4, 2011

Projection Booth: Unnamed M. Night Shamalamading-dong sci-fi movie

Here is what I first thought was a late April Fool's Day joke, but alas at this point looks like its a reality. Well its a gestating project that I hope doesn't get unleashed on the public though the masses will probably eat it up as they haven't been duped enough yet.

Ok so what am I rambling about?

Well, according to Columbia Pictures, they have announced that Will Smith(The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Men In Black II) and Jayden Smith (Jada Pinkett Smith's uterus, The Karate Kid remake)  are going to star in a "scary sci-fi" story co-written and directed by M. Night Shaymalan(ramalama-dingdong, The Happening, The Village and other horrible movies)

This is going to be the plot according to Columbia: 
Set 1,000 years into the future, a young boy navigates an abandoned and sometimes scary Earth to save himself and his estranged father after their ship crashes.
Shyamalan added, "The chance to make a scary, science-fiction film starring Jaden and Will is my dream project."

Well, at least it doesn't sound like there will be any menacing shots of wind blowing through tree and leaves. 

I hope the estranged father was born in West Philadelphia and he spent most of his days on a playground. That would be a better opening then pretty much anything M.Night Shaymalan has done since "Unbreakable" probably his only interesting film. 
Ok so honestly, "Sixth Sense" was hyped up sooooo fucking much and I was tricked into watching it by a former girlfriend in high school and I guessed the twist within 10 minutes. Sufficed to say I didn't get a blow job that night.(even though I should have gotten a pity one for sitting through the movie)
Then I was told, a few years later by another girlfriend, that I should watch "The Village" so I broke down and watched it with her, again I guess the twist in faster than I was suppose to. I spent the rest of the half of the movie I was allowed to watch making fun of it and then she proceeded to turn it off and throw the remote down in frustration storming off. Again no sex that night. Does this mean I have dated girls that have bad taste or that don't like it when I am right about a movie being bad? That isn't for me to decide. 
I didn't bother to watch "The Happening" and I got lots of sex while it made it's theater run. The only thing I saw of that movie was menacing shots of wind blowing through the trees and Mark Walberg looking confused. As I have been told, that about sums up the movie right there. 

So the point of this rant is that if you have the stomach or stupidity to sit through an M. Night directed movie you deserve lots of sex but you most likely won't get any. I'd offer you this suggestion PLEASE don't encourage them or this crap just keeps getting made.

But I digress...

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